Failure (fāl yǝr) noun
1. Lack of success synonyms: nonfulfillment, defeat, foundering, debacle
2. Informal: flop, megaflop, dud, ne’er do well, dud, busted flush
I’ve been quiet on the blog lately and usually when I’m quiet, it’s because something has happened that must be processed through my 5 phases of Realization:
- Inner scolding
- Rationalization aka Flimsy Excuse-making
- Acceptance along with inner scolding
- Realization = moving forward, along with occasional bursts of inner scolding
The reality is this: I did not meet my wellness goal of lowering my BMI. In fact, I’ve stayed exactly the same in terms of BMI.
- Ms. Disbelief says, I can’t believe 12 months have gone by!
- If I’d shown some willpower, I’d be in great shape today says the Scolder.
- At least my BMI didn’t get worse, according to Rationalizing Ann.
- It’s my own fault for not taking this seriously, now I need to commit and try again.
- Realization: I have the tools, I know what I need to do, I’ve learned a lot about what motivates me and now I’ll put it all together and succeed. I can’t continue to be a busted flush ne’er do well.
There’s a little trick I play on myself that’s worth about 100,000 calories. (This is top secret information.) This is what happens: Let’s pretend I’ve had a good day of exercising and eating well. I praise myself. I prowl around the kitchen, making a mental list of the locations of all of the high calorie foods. Then, I wait for my husband and teenagers to clear out. When the coast is clear, I quietly pocket a cookie, scarf a spoonful of ice cream, or chug a chocolate milk. Then I scoot off, almost smug in my knowledge that I’ve gotten away with it again!
And what exactly have I gotten away with? NOTHING. While I’ve been able to host secret hoovering sessions, the resulting pounds are visible to everyone. Somehow, eating non-healthy foods in private is similar to the belief that breaking up a cookie into small pieces reduces the caloric intake: No witnesses, no calories. It never happened folks! My capacity for magical thinking is boundless.
Over the past month, I’ve been declining unhealthy foods and replacing them with better choices. I’ve skipped the cinnamon rolls and taken the watermelon slices instead. I’ve made myself get out and walk more, do more yard work and generally be wiser about how I spend my hours. I KNOW what I need to do, I’ve LEARNED how to build and use the tools toward better health, and having that knowledge is simply not enough.
If you’ve been following my blog, you know how much I like quotes. Here’s a good one by Legouvé “To live is not to learn, but to apply.” Disclaimer: This blog discusses my personal wellness goals and is in no way a soapbox to tell anyone else how to eat, exercise and/or live their lives.